Tantrums and Childhood Development: What Is Typical?

How many tantrums a day are “normal”? A research-informed look at tantrum frequency and other challenging behaviors across childhood development.

Tantrums can be stressful. So can throwing, refusing to cooperate, hitting, biting, or becoming very upset when told “no.” For parents, one of the hardest questions is often surprisingly simple: Is this typical for my child's age?

Challenging behavior does not automatically mean that something is wrong. Young children are still learning how to wait, cope with disappointment, communicate frustration, tolerate changes, and do things they would rather not do. Those skills develop gradually, and children do not demonstrate them perfectly.

A study by Jessica VanDevander and colleagues surveyed caregivers of 1,604 children between 1 and 10 years old who did not have a developmental diagnosis. The researchers examined common challenging behaviors and skills often taught as alternatives to those behaviors.

What did the researchers measure?

The researchers asked caregivers about five behaviors during a 24-hour period:

• Tantrums
• Aggression
• Biting
• Throwing
• Property destruction

They also examined waiting, accepting “no,” giving up a preferred item when asked, and beginning a nonpreferred activity when asked.

So, how many tantrums are typical?

Tantrums were the most frequently reported challenging behavior at almost every age studied. In general, tantrums and most other challenging behaviors became less frequent as children got older.

This does not mean every 3-year-old should have two or three tantrums each day, or that five tantrums should automatically be ignored. It means that frequency needs developmental context. A goal of zero tantrums may not always be a reasonable expectation for a young child when children of the same age without developmental diagnoses also regularly experience tantrums.

How long do typical tantrums last?

For younger children through approximately age 5, the most commonly reported tantrum duration was about 30 seconds to 3 minutes. By age 6, no tantrums became the most frequently reported response.

These are not diagnostic cutoffs. A tantrum lasting longer than three minutes does not automatically indicate a developmental or behavioral disorder. The data provide a reference point that can be considered alongside a child's age and overall development.

What about hitting, biting, throwing, and breaking things?

Caregivers of children without developmental diagnoses also reported aggression, biting, throwing, and property destruction. Across the five behaviors, 0 to 2 occurrences per day was the most commonly reported frequency range, while very high frequencies were considerably less common. Overall, most challenging behaviors declined as children got older.

Children do not get it right every time

Adults often focus on the behavior we do not want. Good intervention also asks what the child should learn to do instead.

Children are learning:

• How to wait.
• That sometimes the answer is “no.”
• How to stop doing something fun.
• How to transition between activities.
• How to cope when plans change.
• How to do things they do not particularly want to do.

As children got older, these skills generally improved. But most of the skills measured remained below 80% even among children without developmental diagnoses.

Waiting

Waiting was the only replacement skill measured that reached an average of 80% or greater for any age group.

“Do it the first time I ask.”

Perhaps the clearest example involved being asked to participate in a nonpreferred activity. This was the least consistently demonstrated of the four skills measured.

In other words, 2-year-olds reportedly did what they were asked the first time when they did not want to do it only about 4 out of 10 times. Even 10-year-olds averaged only about 6 out of 10 opportunities.

That does not mean we should not teach children to follow reasonable directions. It means that our expectations should reflect development.

Why does this matter for children receiving ABA?

Behavioral intervention should help children develop meaningful skills, not simply make their behavior more convenient for adults. A clinician might select 80% independence as a mastery criterion, but developmental data can help determine whether that criterion is appropriate for the particular skill and age of the child.

A child's chronological age, developmental level, environment, communication abilities, and the performance of similarly aged children should all be considered when developing meaningful treatment goals.

When should a parent be concerned?

This study does not establish a number of tantrums that separates “normal” from “abnormal.” A child having three tantrums instead of two does not tell us whether they need treatment.

Clinicians need to consider the whole picture: how often a behavior occurs, how long it lasts, its intensity, what tends to trigger it, whether anyone is at risk of injury, whether the child is developing effective ways to communicate and cope, and how much the behavior interferes with everyday life.

What should parents take away?

Developmentally appropriate does not mean perfect.

These skills do not appear overnight. Even children without developmental diagnoses demonstrate challenging behavior and do not consistently use alternative skills every time the opportunity arises.

For parents and clinicians, the goal should not necessarily be a child who never becomes frustrated, refuses, or has a tantrum. A better question is:

A note about the research

Reference: VanDevander, J., Warner, A., Kazemi, E., & Fahmie, T. (2023). Creating a reference range of common problem behaviors and replacement behaviors in neurotypical children. Behavioral Interventions, 39(1), e1978.